Suddenly...

I miss you suddenly...suddenly out of seemingly no where I feel all of you. Suddenly I can remember what your embrace feels like. I can practically taste your lips. I shiver as I recall your fingers intertwining with mine. I can taste all the sweetness of sin. It is both beautiful and intoxicating. It is dangerous and frightening. It is all consuming.

I freeze. I will not let myself get any closer. We will guard eachother and ourselves in the struggle to stay apart. We are both so toxic to the other.

I will not foolish. I will not let my memory and desire carry me away. I will remember the hurt and lessons of my youth. I will rest in the Lord. I will find refuge there. I will run and not grow weary. For you are my God, my strength and my fortress forever. I will not fall to the errors of my youth.

It is okay. I will miss you both now and always. My skin often craves yours. But I will remember my own folly. I will remember what I want in this moment is but temporary. It is fleeting and foolish. No I will wait on the Lord. I will trust his plan.