The Art of Losing Myself

I weighed out my loses and I realized that choosing Christ was a much smaller lose. I feel at a most unusual moment in time. I cant believe that Im actually going to get baptized. In some ways it feels like the very first time. Im going to stand in front of my congregation and publicly leave the old life behind. Im scared and yet so thrilled and excited. Im so curious to see all that my God has instore for me.
I said goodbye and it was a tearful yet joyful experience. I left knowing it was better over. It was hard and easy. I layed besided him and the tears streamed silently down my face. Our conversation was awkward, painful, and peaceful. He told me he was proud of me and happy for me. He ate the cookies made by the new girl. We talked about how things would have been different if but in the end we both knew it would end the same no matter what. I lingered at the door begging for one more last look or touch. I walked out the door just as usual. I got down the stairs and buried my face in my hands. I cried for all I had and all I lost. I walked past the apt and gathered my thoughts. I walked to my car and that easily it was over. I didnt look back, I just wiped off the tears and called my best friend. Yes I will admit I miss him, yes already I miss him. I think that in time I will miss him less and think less often of him. But in my heart there is peace. I am not angry or bitter. I am not hurt. Its just over. Peace.