Thanksgiving Blues

I wish I would have never checked facebook today. I didnt need it. I dont know why you think I care about that....and of course I know its because you know I do. Because somewhere in your mind you still believe that I love you. You say you want to meet...why? Why would bring back so much hurt? We have said goodbye. I am sorry and for some unknown reason I believed that you were sorry too. So unless you werent then what more could possibly be said. I am happy for you, that you are getting baptized. Honestly I never thought it would happen. I am sorry that I stood in the way for so long.

And you....dont waste the phone call I have nothing to say. Losing a best friend sucks. I will miss you, but I dont deserve your grief anymore than I deserve his.

And to you...I am sorry. I am trying. I am trying to be patient, because there is so much past, present, and future imperfection and past hurt, the healing takes a long time. I am sorry. I am so sorry. I am sorry that in part I know that things will never be the same. I would take it all back, if I could. It has cost me far more than I ever imagined. The only thing I truely lost was the thing I was to stupid and selfish to see. My family. Again I am sorry.